I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize