frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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