My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
