It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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