I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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