Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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