wake up i wanna do it froggy style
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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