i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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