East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
