I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
