i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
