I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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