The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
