Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Me. At least after what I've been through.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
