i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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