what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
