What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
