so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
