Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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