My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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