There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
