i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
