3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
