Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
At least make sure they are 18
Why
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Randomize
