please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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