He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
