M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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