all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
