It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize