pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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