He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i think my mom watched the whole time
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
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