My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
