she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
