the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
