It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
