ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
