Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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