I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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