Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
