Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
