At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
