Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
