I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
