Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
