My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize