where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
