she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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