I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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