Did you just see the Batmobile???
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
