speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
