I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Randomize
