my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
