We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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