Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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