i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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