I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
