Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
