If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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