it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
