So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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