he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
