I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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