Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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