I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
