So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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