a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
