I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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