my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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