I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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