No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
