Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
