This girl is more easily done than said...
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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