I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
