I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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