dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
