Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
