yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
