Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
