I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
